Stupid Silly Quotes and Sayings

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

Mental backup in progress – Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

When all else fails, read the directions.

Welcome to Hell...Here's your accordion.

He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.

Never hit a guy with glasses. Always use your fists.

The only time I open my mouth is to change feet.

Happiness can't buy money.

True friends always stab you in the front.

I'll have to think twice about it before I give it a second thought.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.

The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids and a mortgage.

Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.

Conscience: What hurts when everything else feels so good.

Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

You're schizophrenic? Gee, that makes four of us.

Why is the word 'Abbreviation' so long?

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

Skydiving - Good to the last drop.

If a tree fell on the florist, would he make any sound?

A penny saved is a congressional oversight.

Error. Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue...

A day without sunshine is like ... night.

Floggings will continue until morale improves.

All's well that ends.

It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.

An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Dyslexics of the world untie!

A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defense.

Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Forgive your enemies, but remember their names.

I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

I intend to live forever – so far, so good

I love defenseless animals, especially in gravy.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…

24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case …coincidence?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

Copyright © WitWax.com